Thought of the day.
This week isn’t bad.. It’s just not one of my better weeks.
If it weren’t so damn expensive, I think I’d get a pyschiatrist to listen to my problems, since absolutely no one else will. They aren’t even major, I just need to let them out somewhere. And I won’t here, no one needs that.
I’m sick of feeling so lonely everyday, though.
I’m trying not to update this everyday, I don’t want to overload anyone with boring facts about my life, so I’ll try to make this brief.
I went with my dad on Friday night (since I have no social life) to look at houses. He’s moving out because my parents are getting a divorce soon. Yay for being a part of the ever growing statistic of having divorced parents. That’s why the thought of marriage freaks me out. To think that you want to be with someone for the rest of your life, and then finding out either you or that person don’t want to be anymore. In an ideal world, I will get married once, and be relatively happy. Not completely happy because the world isn’t perfect, but I haven’t found a guy who wanted to date me for a year yet so that’s not even a possibility. The house my dad wanted wants way too much for the neighborhood it’s in, so he’s going to keep looking. He might look at houses closer to my college so that I don’t have to travel quite as far. And I wouldn’t have to see C’s stupid face every morning, which would be grand. She was a total bitch on Friday, and I retaliated for once, because to be honest, I refuse to deal with her shit. I have my own problems, and I don’t need her adding to them.
I also saw the the totally attractive guy in Giant Eagle (creepin’) last week. I want to work up the nerve to say something to him, but I’m so damn awkward. Plus, he may have caught on to me when I triple-took looked at him (turned and looked away) as he was walking in my direction the last time I was there, but whatever. He’s hot.
I also get to go to my counselor to talk about my schedule next semester, where he’ll tell me my grades aren’t good enough and that I’m not doing enough extracurricular activities (try living 30 miles away from school and finding time to do them).
I would like for this semester to end. And work was kind of lame this weekend, I worked four parties and didn’t get tipped once. But the party I worked today was nice, and the couple was fluent in Spanish, and after 5 years of Spanish in high school, I was able to get the gist of what they were saying.
That’s all for now. Thanks for reading.
Today went relatively well, compared to most days. Woke up around 6:00, left to get my brother’s girlfriend, whom we’ll refer to as C (to conceal her identity somewhat) around 7:00, got to school before 8:00. My first class isn’t until 9:00 on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, so C and I went to the library. She’s a chronic complainer, as in everyday, about everything. She’s been this way since I met her in eleventh grade, and it’s so emotionally draining. To be around someone who points out the negative in everything, always. I can be negative, at times, but I’m learning to keep it to myself, because life is hard enough, and complaining won’t make it any easier. It’s just funny to me that she had the audacity to tell me I complained too much one day, when she had just finished a complaining rant. I try to be the good, understanding friend, and once again that has come to bite me in the ass. You’d think I’d learn.
Anyways, Business Professional Communication, my first class, went wonderfully. I skipped it on Monday because I just didn’t feel like going, because I knew I wouldn’t miss anything. But my professor is such a sweetheart, she’s definitely my favorite this semester. She can’t be any older than 25, and so cool. We got our entrance portfolios back today, and she told me I was a great professional writer, and that my public speaking skills were above average. That started my day off on a high note.
Then I had Legal Environment Of Business, AKA the class where we take notes the whole time. My professor called on me for something I actually knew the answer to today. I also saw the guy who was in my Public Speaking class last semester in this class, and he has the most beautiful blue eyes. I feel creepy even blogging about it, but if you saw him, you’d say the same thing. He’s really attractive, but we’ve never spoken to each other, story of my life. But this class is fairly easy, I got a B on my first quiz, and we never have actual homework, other than to read the text.
After this class I have a two hour long break, where I either go out to the car and do homework by myself, or sit in random spots on campus by myself. At these times, I feel the loneliest, and think about how I don’t get to see any of my real friends at all anymore, and how I have barely any friends on campus. It’s really sad, but that’s all I can think of for the hour I sit alone. Then my brother and C get out of class at 11:50, and usually come and argue or generally just be obnoxious. I can deal with each of their obnoxiousness separately, but C is so mean to my brother sometimes that I want to slap her. Today she claimed that she tries to be nice, but in actuality she’s a total bitch everyday, One of these days I’ll work up the nerve to tell her this, but for now I’ll try to maintain what little peace there is.
At 12:50 I usually head over to my last class, Statistics, which I somewhat loathe. I don’t really talk to anyone in this (or really any other) class, and he barely teaches us anything. But I got a 76 on my last test, which I thought I failed, so it’s all good.
We usually leave campus at 1:50, and drop C off at her house. I wish we didn’t have to drive her. If it weren’t for her, I could have slept in until 7 and gotten my other class at 3, but I didn’t because of her job, which she recently quit. To be honest, she’s an inconvenience on my life, in more ways than one. At first when she told me she’d be dating my brother, I didn’t care, because I didn’t think it would impact my life. But now, needless to say, I care. This is going to sound awful, but I hope they break up soon. She’s not the nicest girlfriend, and she’s mean to my brother. One day, I may just have to hurt her feelings.
But today after class I came home, studied for my Accounting test (sort of), went to Old Navy and Target with my mom, and watched Joey Thunder on Stickam (Ha, I know). It’s really the little things in my life, like music, Tumblr, band chats, and my online friends that keep me going. Work, school, and my declining social life are really starting to be detrimental to me. I don’t even sleep normal anymore. Yesterday I was up until 1:30, and some nights I do the same, but wake up at 5:30.
I just want a change of pace. Something, anything.
Well thanks for reading, that’s all for now.
Well hello. First off if you decided to follow this blog, thanks for being one of the few 250 followers who actually gives a shit about my personal feelings put into this blog.
The tone of this blog might come off as negative, and I apologize. But to be honest, I’m not very happy at the point I’m at in my life. I’ll try to keep names out of this, but some situations I’ll go into detail. I’m going to make some drafts tonight, take what you want from them when I post them.
Again, thanks if you decide to follow this blog. Of course I’ll follow you all back.
